the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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