I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
