last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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