I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
