A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
