i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
