Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
