I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
