the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
