Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
