this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
