she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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