he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
