I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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