If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
