Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
