Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
