I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
