he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
