At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
