I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
