I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
