I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
