Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you never un-have a 4some
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
