is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
