even my farts smell like vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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