she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
