I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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