she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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