WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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