I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Less talking, more tequila
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
