What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize