thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You ruined the universe
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
