You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
