My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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