I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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