Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
