sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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