Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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