That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
