Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
