Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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