my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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