All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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