I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
