so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm passing your future prison.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
