How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The air was thick with penises
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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