Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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