Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize