"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My bed smells like the plague
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
