I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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