do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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