He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
