Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
