wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
