I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
