He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
