Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Houston, we have a blender
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
