rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
