4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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