I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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