I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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