Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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