Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
whose ass print is on the piano?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
